idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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