The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
