He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
