after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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