I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love having hate sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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