dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They took my balls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
