id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
