goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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