He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
