when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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