My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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