Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
