is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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