Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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