I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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