the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
