I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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