I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
