if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
