Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
