I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
