I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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