96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am one with the molecules
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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