but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
