You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
