Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
