I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.