I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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