If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.