Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week