she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that