I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize