I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!