Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS