I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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