I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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