Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
