I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
