bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
