I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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