Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
