while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
