Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
