you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
