apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
