who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
