I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
