Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
