I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
