omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
