I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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