i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
