I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize