I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
