I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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