I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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