Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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