I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
