I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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