She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
