Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
