Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
