So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
