you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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