I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
