She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
