my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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