Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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