she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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