Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
