office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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