i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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