she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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